My dad

My dad.
My dad was born on the island of the Dominican Republic.

My dad was a kind and gentle soul. At first glance, one would never suspect how much physical pain and strife he was enduring. Yet, God always cradled him with his Love and intervention. When God sent my dad to earth He sprinkled magic dust all over him.

I think when we lose someone so close, we want to know more about them. That’s exactly what happened when my dad passed away. The dad ‘I knew’ was the one after my teen years. So, as painful as it may have been to my mother, I asked her to tell me about my dad – the man she married (whom I call papi). Her tell of my dad starts with how it was told to her by my dad, and then she narrates it to me as she lived it with him.

My dad expressed to mom that… His mother (mamaita) would tell him that she suffered great emotional pain at the cost of a rumor because grandpa(papaito) believed that papi was not his son; because of this my dad felt rejected by papaito. Papaito would tell mamaita that he was not sure if dad was the son of a horse or a donkey (grandpa was a farmer and cattle rancher so his choice of descriptives arent’ a surprise). My grandparents were divorced three times … all for lack of trust and communication. Papaito’s rejection affected my dad deeply.

Despite it all, my dad made Love the ruler in his life.

As a teenager, my dad dreamed of being a ship engineer and papaito wanted him to be a priest. Papaito interned him in a convent. Dad did not object because he wanted to study, he loved studying and learning; when the time came to take his priestly vows to the church, my dad decided to escape the convent. So along with another classmate, my dad ran away in the middle of the night.

He ran all morning and when he arrived back at his house at 4:00 am, papaito punished him by sending him to plant coffee beans with the workers. For weeks my dad would wake up at the crack of dawn and work the field. Mamaita felt that tending the field was not the destiny for dad and convinced grandpa to lessen the punishment. Grandpa’s decision was to send dad to make a life in the new world in North America: New York.

At the age of 17, my dad was on a plane to New York city; papaito had arranged for a man to wait for him at the airport. This man was to give him shelter and help him get a job. The flight had a layover in Puerto Rico, but his flight was delayed due to a snowstorm in New York. While laid over in Puerto Rico he ran across some of his academic friends who were also flying to New York, they convinced him to stay with them at a friends’ place in Puerto Rico for the night. The next day they all flew out to New York.

When he arrived there was no one waiting for him.

…and this is how his new life started.

Manhattan on 42nd street, he had nowhere to stay and limited funds. My dad would go out for walks, he was amazed by all the city lights and big buildings. The wonder of New York helped him forget his predicament. One night he went to a restaurant called Howard Johnson, he was fascinated because it boasted of serving 52 flavors of ice cream. He an island boy never had 52 flavors of ice cream!

While eating ice cream my dad noticed a waiter that looked familiar from back home and then asked the waiter serving him if he could talk to the other waiter whom he recognized. The waiter serving my dad said he could not walk away from his station or he’d get fired and suggested my dad wait until the restaurant closed to meet the person. It took three days until he met the man. The first time, he waited until the restaurant closed and called out to the person, but the person thought my dad was going to mug him and ran off. The second day my dad decided to follow him… the waiter took the train back home every night. My dad decided to purchase a ticket on the same train and waited to make the encounter there.

On the third day, my dad followed him onto the train and called him by the name of his friend he left back home: “Genito”, and yes! they knew each other, they were neighbors from back home in his island town. What were the chances?

My dad explained what had happened to him and that he had nowhere to stay. Genito said: “grab your things, you are going with me to my house.”

At that house, Genito and his wife treated him like family. My dad could not work because he was underage. For six months my dad cooked, cleaned, and helped with all chores and won the affections of Genito and his wife. Genito got him a job working as a waiter at Howard Johnson.

How my parents met: It happened that Genito’s wife was my mothers’ niece (not uncommon in small villages); someone had sent a picture of mami to Genito’s wife. It happened that Genito’s brother (Augustin) was visiting, when Augustin saw the picture of my mother he instantly said he wanted to meet the girl in the picture. Augustin said he was going back to the island and invited my dad to meet the woman in the picture because he was going to propose to her and make her his future bride.

The two men (my dad and Augustin) arrived at grandma-abuelita’s house (moms mother). Abuelita asked mom, “do you like that man?” (pointing at Augustin). Mom said, “he is 15 years older than me, and I would prefer the younger man”, (grandma was bothered by the answer but made no comment). The young man (my dad) showed up the very next day and asked permission to speak with mom. After a few arrangements had been made the permission was granted and my dad brought his dad with him, and it was not to talk to mom… it was to have a discussion between both parents to arrange a wedding. Which happened in 15 days. (My dad was head over heels over my mom and fell in love with her at first sight).

Mami’s first question to papi: “why do you wear glasses?”, my dad answered: “I wear glasses because I can’t see, and when I get old you will be holding my hand to help me walk”… My dad was joking, mom was apprehensive…and that was the beginning of their relationship.

After their wedding they were together for 12 days, my dad left her on the island and went back to New York. My mom could not travel abroad because she needed to register for her passport. After 8 months they were reunited in New York. Mom arrived in New York with an 8-month pregnancy (me).

Despite the culture shock, the struggle with the language, mom being 17 and dad 19- they were young and had the future before them. They found an apartment that had 4 bedrooms with the idea to rent it to help pay the bills. Everything was a novelty and their life seemed like an adventure, with youth on their side they took everything in stride.

Settled in the new apartment with baby Daisy now 4 months old. Papi got mysteriously ill vomiting blood and was down to 90 pounds. Mami could not find work, to earn money and help pay the bills mom began preparing meals to sell. The income barely covered the bills… there was no money to buy milk for the newborn. Mom’s brother Miguel suggested that baby Daisy be sent back to the island to be reared by mom’s mother (abuelita).

There was no end to my dad’s illness and kept vomiting blood. Doctors kept saying there was nothing wrong with him. With no answers for his illness in the U.S., they decided he should fly back home to the island to seek a remedy… he went to a naturalist doctor who told him he had been hexed. The herbalist gave him an elixir which cured him instantly.

He returned back to New York with baby Daisy.

Life was looking up again. Mami found a job sewing. Pregnant again, now with Frankie, they relocated to a new apartment in Corona, NY.

This peace did not last long, the Vietnam war was looming.
…and the drama began again.

Mom decided that they should return back home to the Dominican Republic. This time they returned penniless. Papaito bought them a “bodega” (it had a storefront and a bedroom in the back, the wooden structure had holes in the walls, and an outdoor kitchen with an outhouse privy in the back).

To make a living mom had bought clothes to resell but that didn’t take them too far, so they would purchase items to sell on credit. Mom decided this new life was too hard, they were not getting ahead and it seemed they were getting in greater debt. She suggested that she should go back to New York and get a job and send money back to the family… my dad said he would rather go to Vietnam than stay there by himself. Again, they left everything behind. Leaving the business to his brother Daniel, and they left baby Daisy behind to be raised by the grandparents.

This time they settled in a small suburb of New York: Haverstraw.

All was going well until one day while fixing a television at uncle Lucindo’s my dad bumped the front of his head. Within days a tumor immersed out of his head. He was taken to a hospital and they did an emergency surgery, which was improperly done and a malpractice complaint was placed. My dad was seen by a different doctor. Because the infection was so severe the doctor gave my dad three months to live if not given immediate care. A second surgery was done where all the infection and tumor was removed, a metal plate was placed where his scalp was drilled; the operation was a success and my dad was healed. From that day on my dad no longer combed his hair back and parted his hair to the side to cover the dip in his forehead.

It took two years to stabilize themselves and the family was reunited, Daisy was now 6. …and another child was on the way- Edwin.

Happiness did not last long.

Another tragedy, an accident on the job.

This time my dad fell off a ladder causing injury to his spine, the doctor gave him a compensation package. Dad ignorant and stubborn, not knowing what the compensation package was for… went to work. Within days a tumor developed out from his hip. Now he truly could not walk and even less work. Papi’s pain was so agonizing that mom had to make an emergency trip to the hospital with him. He was placed in a ward for the terminally ill; while interned at the hospital he lost an excessive amount of weight. My dad expressed to mom that he felt that he was not being taken care of and thought he was moved to that ward to die.

At this same time, Edwin (my youngest brother) was only 45 days old and became very ill. Mami did not have any money to take newborn Edwin to see a doctor. When she heard a knock on the door. She opened the door and saw a doctor standing in the doorway, she thought it was Dr. Castro (a local doctor). The ‘doctor’ asked, “is there a sick child here?”, mom thought her sister Beatriz had sent him over and let him in. The ‘doctor’ gave Edwin an injection of sorts and within the hour he was well, he did not ask for any payment and left. Mom called her sister Beatriz to thank her for sending the doctor. Aunt Beatriz said she did not send any doctor and said that it was impossible that the man there was Dr. Castro because she was at the hospital with Dr. Castro during the time mami said the ‘doctor’ showed up.

With dad in the hospital and no hope of his recovery; no money and three kids to feed – mom got down on her knees and prayed to God: what will she do? She did not know what to do. In an instant, she felt a flow of ideas. God-sent ideas all flying to her head: “Get the compensation papers someone will know what to do with that, go to a Dominican doctor in New York City who will take compassion over you and your husband, go to the hospital and ask for permission to sign out your husband tell them that it is December 22 and the children want to see their dad for Christmas”. Mom followed the message she heard. They released my dad. Suddenly my dad found the energy to move his frail body and walk out of the hospital. My dad was so filled with hope that he walked out of the hospital barefoot from the excitement.

The very next day they went to a specialist at a hospital in New York City, an emergency operation was done where he lasted 3 months under intensive care and observation. They extracted a tumor from my dad’s femur bone. My dad had to remain on bedrest for 2 years and was placed on disability.

Another chapter continues…

12 years of convalescing and papi was able to begin walking. My dad felt that being on disability hindered him rather than helped, and prayed that he could be healed so he could discontinue his disability status and work again. Working to him meant that he was alive.

In 1981 he felt that he could fully walk with no pain and discontinued the compensation package and started back into the labor force.

Another new beginning: the move to Florida.

There were so many rough years, the Florida years are the ones I (Daisy) remember the most.

They bought a house in North Miami and started up a textile business ‘Vivari’; my dad was a textile pattern cutter and along with mami they managed and employed over 40 seamstresses. Papi and mami knew how to operate various sewing machines: single needles, merrow, binding and lots more. Their business came to a screeching halt when Americans chose to buy clothes ‘Made in China’. No one wanted nor could, work for pennies anymore. They had to close down their factory and at the age of 60 (both mom and dad) had to find work.

During this time in Florida he was able to have both his parents: mamaita and papaito stay for a short visit. He loved his mother dearly;

and despite how papaito may have felt about him, my dad respected and loved his dad too.

Papi dreamed about returning back to his beloved island and build a house in the Dominican Republic. A dream that became a reality.

My dad was able to collect retirement benefits and enjoy a few good years before he passed on.(6 years which were gone in the blink of an eye)

My dad lived for his family and always sought a better life for his children.
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My dad loved knowledge, he completed his ‘GED’; then years later after Edwin served in the Gulf War to help him find a job my dad signed for computer classes with Edwin to motivate him.

In his later years, my dad began to delve into studying himself and learning how to become a better communicator… even my mom was amazed at how a great companion he had become.

My dad was a kind-hearted gentleman. As I grew older I had a greater appreciation for my dad and the best lessons I learned from my dad were not the ones he taught me but the ones I imitate from being around him… and these are the ones I hold dear in my heart: servitude, humility, disciplined work ethics, faith, never stop dreaming, perseverance, and Love.