The time is nearing to send the little bird flying. I think I have been preparing for separation since I saw my son take his first steps.
I now wonder if we have provided him with the intangibles so he can better deal with the curve balls of life.
For my parents getting married was something that happened when you left your parents home. I think that overall today’s young adult priorities don’t revolve around the concept of getting married. I understand that many parents and teens come from fundamentally different worlds so I need to keep this knowledge at the forefront as we go through this transition.
My concern is being assured that my son can accept responsibility for himself, that he can make independent decisions, and become financially independent. Parenting does not stop when a child turns 18. There is a part of my being that needs to trust that all will be well and that others do have an interest in my son’s success and joy.
I don’t know if other parents are as challenged in motivating their sons to move out… to begin fending and discovering the great world ‘out there’. It seems that this generation is very content and as long as they have a room to come to, food and a connection to the internet – there is not much motivation to move out.
The husband and I have engaged in too many arguments to count… ever since our son turned 16 I have been suggesting him to get a job this would help him learn many skills such as responsibility, punctuality, budgeting and communication, so we’ve been discussing a monthly budget and I narrowed an approximate monthly expenses and income as follows based on today’s economy:
| Rent (1 bedroom apt/studio) | $800.00 |
| Electric Bill | $100.00 |
| Water Bill | $50.00 |
| Car Payment | $400.00 |
| Car Insurance | $80.00 |
| Gasoline | $200.00 |
| Cell Phone | $50.00 |
| Cable/Internet | $50.00 |
| Groceries | $400.00 |
| TOTAL | $2,130.00 |
====================
TOTAL $2,130.00
Average Wage per hour (2015) $8.05
Average work week 40 hours
TOTAL – (per week income)= $322.00
TOTAL – (income per month)= $1,288.00 (this is a gross income before any tax deductions)
So… if you see what I see, it appears that he would need to work 80 hours a week just to be able to afford many basic things that make life bearable.
or… he would need to own his house and car cash to eliminate those big monthly expenses. There are a lot of things that most of us have become “used” to… we almost think of them as necessities, but true be told they are more of extra comfort such as air-conditioning and internet; also going out to eat versus cooking and the list can go on.
I have strongly advised our son to make owning his home a priority. Once he has home base taken care of it lifts a burden off from his shoulders and he can focus on living rather than the struggle of trying to keep a roof over his head. It’s hard to play a game …even more so the game of life, if you don’t have “home base” free from debt. It seems that the so called rat race is constantly trying to get the basics and in this lies the struggle and life ends up being about paying bills and not living.
So at this stage it’s hard for me to see the day when he is on his own… he’s still in college, discovering himself and the world around him. The release is still months away and I know that God will guide us through this one… I only pray that God will make this experience and the lessons with it… a gentle one.
